Under my umbrella ella ella eh eh eh
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
In the nude
Police say they arrested a 26-year-old woman who was posing naked for a photographer, and in full view of visitors, in the museum's arms and armor department on Wednesday.
Model Kathleen "K.C." Neill faces a charge of public lewdness.
Defense attorney Donald Schechter says the museum is full of nude art, and to call what the model and her photographer were doing obscenity "is ridiculous." (link)
No way! That's not a crime! I mean, come on... she's a model!
If she was ugly, that would be another story.
Only in Europe - Selling porn to kids is OK
"Retailers who sell children violent or pornographic videos will be immune from prosecution for the next three months after the discovery of a government blunder 25 years ago.
Britain should have notified the European Commission of the existence of the Video Recordings Act 1984 (VRA) -- which regulated the industry -- but failed to do so.
"Unfortunately, the discovery of this omission means that, a quarter of a century later, the VRA is no longer enforceable against individuals in United Kingdom courts," said Barbara Follett, Minister for Culture and Tourism.
Follett said people currently being prosecuted under the act would not be convicted until a new act can take legal effect in three months, the period required for consultation with other EU member states.
In the interim, people will be able to sell pornographic and violent videos to children under the age of 18 without fear of prosecution." (link)
Well, I guess better than having kids just go online looking for it. Let's keep kids safe - who knows what they could find!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Talk about a sticky situation!
"A man who used a public toilet in a shopping mall was taken to a hospital to have the toilet seat removed from his backside after someone smeared it with glue in what an official condemned Monday as a sick joke. Police urged possible witnesses to come forward after the 58-year-old man was humiliated in the northeastern city of Cairns by the prank." (link)
No wonder he was stuck...
Strip club visit
"Authorities said a man was arrested after being accused of leaving two small children in his vehicle while he was in a Clearwater strip club. The Pinellas County Sheriff's Office reports that the 33-year-old man left a 3-year-old and a 4-year-old in a car late Sunday night. The report said the man was in the club, drinking at the bar, for 30 to 60 minutes." (link)
Maybe the Dad was just visiting the kid's Mom who was working that night?
Monday, August 24, 2009
Who's running the Russian government?
"Russia's government has issued a tender for luxury furniture, including a gilded bed, triggering an outcry Wednesday in a country where the economy shrank 10.9 percent in the last quarter." (link)
Oh well, now we know who is in charge. Must be this guy:
"I love Gooooooooold"
Giant tooth discovered
A golf course groundskeeper recently stumbled onto something unexpected on the greens: A tooth from a 10,000-year-old mammoth. Groundskeeper Patrick Walker found the 10-pound tooth Tuesday when he was on the greens about 30 miles east of Grand Rapids at Morrison Lake Country Club.
The recent high school graduate told The Grand Rapids Press he knew the tooth exposed by recent rains was from an extinct elephant because he paid attention in his science classes.
Research assistant Scott Beld from the University of Michigan's Museum of Paleontology visited the course and confirmed that Walker's find was a mammoth tooth. (link)
Now, there will be questions if a giant toothbrush is found nearby as well.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Party All the Time
Blast from the past - the Beverly Hills Cop himself partnering with Slick Rick James in one of the best dance hits of the 20th century:
Squirrel in a picture
This handout photo obtained August 19, 2009 courtesy of NationalGeographic.com shows a squirrel looking at the camera. The rodent, which first made its appearance in this holiday photo taken by an American couple in Canada, has gone on to become a Web sensation. (link)
First of all, wtf? It looks like some guy off-camera has his finger in the animal's butt. How else would it stay so still like that?
And second, I think a more appropriate picture of a squirrel (call it a "web sensation") would be this guy:
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Bite off more than you can chew
"A southeast Missouri man was accused of biting off the ear lobe of a love rival. The Southeast Missourian reported that a 23-year-old man was charged with felony assault and burglary and was jailed on $50,000 bond. Police said the suspect and the victim were arguing over a woman just before midnight Tuesday.
The suspect allegedly displayed a butcher knife, but the victim and the woman pushed him out the door. A fight allegedly began after the suspect knocked loudly at a window. Police said the two men fell to the ground and the suspect bit off the victim's ear lobe.
Police recovered the severed lobe, but doctors were unable to reattach it." (link)
Mike Tyson move over... maybe the two should schedule a boxing match?
Britney Spears - free pie?
In this image taken from video and provided by CBS, singer Britney Spears presents the 'Top Ten Ways the Country Would Be Different if Britney Spears Were President,' on the 'Late Show with David Letterman,' Tuesday, Aug. 18, 2009. (link)
Anyone want a slice?
Oldie but Goodie
Young Miss Teen South Carolina answers a very challenging question:
Lesson to be learned - when you have the looks, but not the brains, it's probably best just to swallow your pride and take off your clothes (i.e. next post).
Lesson to be learned - when you have the looks, but not the brains, it's probably best just to swallow your pride and take off your clothes (i.e. next post).
Miss Universe to be topless in Maxim
"In a first for any U.S.-based pageant organization, the Miss Universe Organization has taken the unusual step of releasing topless photos of its outgoing Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela, to Maxim for the magazine’s September issue." (link)
Click here for all of the photos!
No bath for you
"A French town has banned circus elephants from bathing at its beaches over concerns the animals' excrement could pollute the water and pose a health hazard to other swimmers." (link)
Well, the alternative of course is this:
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
She's really a He?
"South African Caster Semenya, 18, is set to race in tonight's final in Berlin after sailing through a semi-final on Monday in her first major international sporting competition. But the teenage sensation has sparked controversy over her strikingly muscular physique, and today insiders claimed she would be gender tested following the final in Berlin. Officials at the world athletics body, the IAAF, confirmed that organisation is aware of the controversy. A spokesman said the IAAF were unable to intervene in tonight's race, but sources claimed Semenya will be tested.
South African athletics chiefs furiously denied the claims and stated Semenya was definitely female. Molatelo Malehopo, general manager of Athletics South Africa, said: 'She is a female. We are completely sure about that and we wouldn't have entered her into the female competition if we had any doubts. 'We have not been absent-minded, we are very sure of her gender. We are aware of the claims that have been made but our aim at the moment is to prepare Caster for the race this evening. 'We have not started testing and we have no plans to do.'" (link)
And this is funny:
"The well-placed source said Semenya would be subjected to a complex process of gender testing which could take several weeks."
Can't they just look?
You can decide for yourself...
New meat-eating plant
Botanists believe they have discovered one of the world's largest carnivorous plants in Southeast Asia... The new discovery measures about 30 centimeters in diameter and are formed in the shape of a large cup, which McPherson says is full of water and acidic enzymes.
Prey is attracted by a sweet-scented nectar and once captured in the cup is prevented from escaping by the slippery, waxy leaves and, as a consequence, drowns. (link)
Queue up the porn music... you better grab a pair of garden cloves and a shovel.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
We don't need no water...
"Santa Barbara County Sheriff Bill Brown, speaking at a news conference today, said investigators believe the La Brea fire was started by Mexican drug traffickers because of the size of the marijuana garden and the equipment found at the campsite where the fire began. Brown stood in front of large poster showing the blackened campsite. He said that 30,000 plants, ranging from 2 feet to 6 feet, were discovered at the remote pot farm." (link)
Where can I apply to be a firefighter in Humboldt County?
Hope they cleaned...
"A young mother gave birth on a pavement outside a hospital after she was told to make her own way there." (link)
A quick once-over with a hose and some soap should do fine. Maybe this guy could lend a hand?
Smash and Grab
"Police say a masked man drove a stolen car through the front doors of a northern Ohio clinic and down the hallway before ramming into a pharmacy desk and stealing drugs. Toledo police say security cameras recorded the robbery shortly after 3 a.m. Monday. The car was found burned behind a Toledo library, about a mile and a half from the clinic." (link)
Maybe it was these guys?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Friday, August 14, 2009
Could it have been this guy??
"Saudi Arabia has closed the Jeddah office of a Lebanon-based television network after it aired an interview with a Saudi man speaking about his sexual escapades, a government spokesman said Sunday." (link)
Maybe it was this guy:
Candy crack delivery service
Hard to believe...
Brooklyn residents are riled over a performance artist who's been delivering bags of fake crack. The Daily News reported that Nate Hill makes the deliveries dressed in a white tuxedo and a dolphin headpiece. He shows up between 10 p.m. and 2 a.m., like a real drug pusher.Enrica Serrero said she ordered the "candy crack" at a Williamsburg party last Sunday. Says the 21-year-old: "I'd definitely do it again." Hill calls it "amusing theater." (link)
Yeah... "list previous acting experience on the resume" - well, I've spent time delivering candy crack to people in New York. If you want to see for yourself you can look at the guy's web site, here.
Could you imagine what might happen if an actual dealer met this guy on the street one night?
I Am Now Dumber After Watching This
Wow, and to think we sometimes wonder where the term "Ugly American" came from...
The worst part of this preview is after watching, it would appear that Kim is the "class" of the family.
The worst part of this preview is after watching, it would appear that Kim is the "class" of the family.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Breastfeeding beer!
Yum...
North Dakota woman convicted of breast-feeding her 6-week-old baby while drunk is in jail after another run-in with the law. A judge last week had ordered 26-year-old Stacey Anvarinia to get treatment that could have helped her avoid jail on a child-neglect charge. (link)
That's too bad... I mean, really who wouldn't want to drink beer from boobs? That shouldn't be a crime!
Here's my kind of breastfeeding:
Biking with a Gator
"The 3-foot-long alligator on a bicyclist's shoulders was a real attention-getter. St. Charles Parish sheriff's deputies stopped the cyclist. He allegedly ran, leaving both wheels and his toothy little rider. Capt. Pat Yoes, a spokesman for the sheriff's office, said deputies booked 38-year-old Terron D. Ingram on Friday with resisting arrest, possessing drug paraphernalia, and cruelty to animals by abandonment.
Yoes said he didn't know where Ingram got the gator or what he had planned to do with it." (link)
Audrina Patridge eats a burger
I think the Carl's Jr slogan "if it doesn't get all over the place, it doesn't belong in your face" is certainly relevant here. Burgers anyone?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Not Guilty?
Uhhh.... yeah, that wasn't me, it was some other naked guy.
Figured it out!!!
This is great news... I figured out what happened with the drunk bride from the post below. Remember the night of her wedding she got wasted with a case of vodka, fell asleep in her car, and had no idea what happened the next day? Well, I was always curious what happened to her husband.
Perhaps this could be the missing guy:
An extremely drunk, naked man lost his way at a New Zealand hotel and ended up sleeping in the wrong room, forcing its female occupant to hide in the bathroom, local media reported.The 29 year-old Australian man had gone back the hotel in the resort town of Queenstown with a woman, but got up in the night and wandered into a bedroom where a couple were sleeping."He was a bit surprised that there were two people in his room and he was butt naked," Sergeant Steve Watt of Queenstown police told the Southland Times.As the intruder slept, the startled woman took refuge in the bathroom as her husband summoned hotel staff. The man, who could not remember whom he had been with nor what room he had been in, and had no clothes or wallet. (link)
The only problem, if he had no clothes or wallet - I wonder where the car keys went. And by this time, you know his tux rental is overdue.
Don't tase me bro - I'm old
Zap! There goes the taser...
Glenrock Police Chief Tom Sweet said two officers "probably didn't do things the best way" when they used a Taser on a 76-year-old man driving an antique tractor in a parade. Sweet spoke at a packed town hall meeting Monday, nine days after Bud Grose was hit with a Taser during the town's annual Deer Creek Days.
He's old and riding a tractor - maybe not the best candidate to get tased. But I'm sure quite a spectacle.
This reminds me of the original "don't tase me bro" guy:
Business in the Front - Party in the Back
To break up the boredom of the day, I figure nothing revitalizes the senses like a great mullet. So, here you go:
When Otters Attack
An Austrian woman on vacation in Wisconsin is getting rabies shots after she said she was bitten several times by at least two otters while swimming in a lake. Brigitte France, 51, told the Duluth News Tribune that she was swimming on Lake Owen near Drummond, Wis., last Wednesday when she heard something hissing behind her. She spotted an otter. "I thought it was really cool," she said. "I'd never seen an otter before. Then, all of a sudden, there were three of them."She felt uncomfortable and swam to shore. She said she had her hands on the shore and legs in the water, "and there they were _ one on the right leg and one on the left leg. I shook my legs, and they went away," France said. They bit her eight or nine times, but it "never really hurt much." (link)
Otters can be little punks. "Get back, bitch" said this one in the picture. You quickly learn your lesson - don't mess with the otters.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Spend your wedding night with Vodka!
She was wasted:A bride in Germany spent her wedding night passed out next to a crate of vodka in the back seat of a car and had to be rescued by police when the BMW began to overheat in the sun.... shaken, not stirred.
Police in the western city of Cologne said Monday the inebriated 30-year-old remained unconscious even after they smashed the car window to get her out. "Only after being shaken several times did she eventually regain consciousness," police said in a statement.
Still clad in her wedding dress, the dazed woman had to scramble through the broken window because she had no idea where the car keys or her husband were, police said.Unfortunately, we don't know how many bottles of Vodka were consumed. Maybe she was having second thoughts? Or perhaps finally came to terms with her "slight drinking problem"?
And you wonder why her husband left.
Coming Soon - Robots with Human Brains
According to the dailymail.co.uk, scientists are only a few years away from creating robots with human brains. For those of you that still think movies like 2001: A Space Odyssey, I, Robot, and THX1138 are a reflection of reality, this story should help with your paranoia. For all others, wouldn't it be cool to have your own Johnny 5?!
China Texters Face Jail Time for "Sexy" Texts
Yes, it is just how you read it. In China, they are prosecuting people for sending sex solicitations via text message. Three text messages can lead to ten days in jail.
This is probably a good opportunity to list some favorites from textsfromlastnight.com:
"(865): I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
(646): how do you like your eggs?
(865): over tits "
"(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that."
"(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
(201): Tie"
"(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. "
Click here for full text message story
This is probably a good opportunity to list some favorites from textsfromlastnight.com:
"(865): I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
(646): how do you like your eggs?
(865): over tits "
"(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that."
"(201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
(908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
(201): Tie"
"(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. "
Click here for full text message story
Crisis in Cuba
Breaking news...
Cuba, in the grip of a serious economic crisis, is running short of toilet paper and may not get sufficient supplies until the end of the year, officials with state-run companies said Friday."The corporation has taken all the steps so that at the end of the year there will be an important importation of toilet paper," an official with state conglomerate Cimex said on state-run Radio Rebelde.The shipment will enable the state-run company "to supply this demand that today is presenting problems," he said. Cuba both imports toilet paper and produces its own, but does not currently have enough raw materials to make it, he said.
I'd suggest donations, but I don't think they can accept anything used.
This is when you know: the situation is messy and everything is going to shit, literally.
Monday, August 10, 2009
A Very Dylan Christmas
Bob Dylan to release a Christmas Album? 
Britain's Uncut magazine meanwhile poked fun at the project, serving up Yuletide puns on Dylan songs such as "A Hard Reindeer's A-Gonna Fall," "Sleigh Lady Sleigh" and "Girl From The North Pole Country." (link)
The story almost reminds me of this guy:
Singer, song-writer Billy Mack from Love Actually - "this is shit, isn't it?"Joe (his producer) - "Yep, solid gold shit, maestro."
Viagra ice cream - Yummy
In another food related story, a London ice cream store, Selfridges, will be offering a libido-boosting flavor "The Sex Pistol." I wonder if this is, in any way, related to the jailhouse hot sauce (listed in the next post).
Read more at:
Prison flavored hot sauces
This story could get so wrong, so quick:
A group of Tampa inmates is offering a taste of what it's like jail — no locks, bars or handcuffs required. But you'd better have an tough stomach to use more than a dash of their "Jailhouse Fire Hot Sauce." Minimum-security Hillsborough County Jail inmates offer it in "Original," "Smoke" and "No Escape" varieties, all made from their jail-grown peppers.Close your eyes because "Big Bubba" has another flavor to add to the list...
Michael Jackson was an Egyptian princess?
Below is a picture of a 3,000 year old Egyptian princess.
Notice a resemblance?
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